Choose Your Words Wisely

The way you talk matters, both out loud and in your head. Words have immense power and how you say things have a huge impact on your mindset and on other people. 

The big three I like to watch out for right off the bat are “Never”, “Always”, and “Should.” How often do you find yourself using these words? Saying things like, “You NEVER support me”, “I’m ALWAYS feeling left out”, “You SHOULD do better.” Notice how these words are limiting in their generalization? Both to other people AND yourself? Whenever I find myself using those words, I’ll ask myself is it actually true? (Hint, it’s usually not). Using words that are exaggerations like that tends to make one feel more like the victim instead of coming from a place of honesty and vulnerability.

Speaking of playing the victim, “I can’t” is a phase I hear often and rarely is it true. Sure, there sometimes you truly can’t, like “I can’t teleport” or “I can’t turn into a bird” (oh how I wish I could…) but many times the way I hear it being used in everyday life…you actually could! So my tip? Try saying “I won’t” instead. If you say “I CAN’T work out today” you not taking any responsibility but “I WON’T work out today” is more about you and your priorities. 
“I can’t start my own business” turns into “I won’t start my own business.”
“I can’t learn new languages” into “I won’t learn new languages”
“I can’t lose weight” is really “I won’t lose weight”
“I can’t study” is “I won’t study”
With most things in life, if you put in the time and effort you could accomplish it, but by saying you “can’t" you’re automatically dismissing the idea. Even with this quarantine in effect saying “I can’t go to the store” makes you feel more limited and stuck whereas “I won’t go to the store because I'm choosing to keep myself and others safe” is much more empowering.

This leads me into the next word I’ve personally been working on the most and that is “STUCK.” The more I say it, the more stuck I actually feel. An example of something I’m going through right now is I used to say, “I’m stuck here because I’d rather be traveling but I don't have enough money and my sister just got pregnant.” In reality, I still COULD travel, get a job somewhere else and miss the baby’s birth. So now in my language, I’ve changed it to say “I CHOOSE to stay because I’m excited to be here when the baby is born and I want to take the time to make money as my own boss.” Notice how big of a difference that makes? One version is empowering, I have choice, the other is limiting and feels suffocating. Another example is with the quarantine in effect, it’s not that I’m “stuck” in my house, it’s that I’m “safe” or “supported” in my home. Choose to use words that are positive and uplifting vs negative and limiting. 

Start paying attention to your language, what words or phrases have you used or heard that could have a negative impact on your mindset? This is a challenging habit to break (I still find myself using words I’d like to change all the time!) but life is always a work in progress and it simply starts with recognition.